16- Failure

As a life-long athlete, I’ve failed over and over again. Over my four-year collegiate basketball career, my team’s record was (30-87). Yes, if you read that as only thirty wins and eighty seven losses, you read it correctly. Quite honestly, each and every one of those losses hurt pretty bad, regardless of if one came at the hands of the number one ranked women’s perennial powerhouse UCONN or simply a conference opponent who we played twice a year. I was a specialist in college; I was put in the game to make shots, specifically three-pointers. With this unique task comes its own inherent amount of failure. Even the best shooters in the game only make about forty percent of their three point attempts. Obviously that means sixty percent of the time you release the ball, you’re going to miss the shot. To deal with this frequency of failure, I had to develop quick short-term memory and mental resiliency. When you miss your first three shots in the first quarter, it’s pretty easy for negative thoughts and emotions to start creeping it, but interestingly, some of my best games started with a few missed three’s. One season I wrote the words “NEXT PLAY” on my sneakers. This phrase reminded me that regardless of the what just happened, the most important play is the next one. These simple words kept me focused and prevented me from getting too high or too low. This seemingly small expression can be applied in any sphere of our lives – athletically, personally, professionally, or emotionally.

This weekend we took on Open workout 17.2, which presented a meaningful challenge to me, as I have been working relentlessly towards my first bar muscle up. Gymnastics do not come naturally to me and it is something that I have devoted a large portion of my training and focus to. Muscle ups, specifically, have been a long-time goal for me. Everyone knew they would show up at some point during the Open, so when the workout was announced, I was nervous but also excited. I figured if there was going to be a time for me to get over that bar it would be with some pressure and my community behind me. On Friday night, with an incredible atmosphere inside the four walls at CFG, I decided to give it a go. I began my workout with a focused vengeance and got through the first two rounds – those without the bar muscle ups – in 2 minutes and 57 seconds. I took some time to settle my heart rate and as I looked around I had almost every eye in the gym on me. People were cheering, taking videos, and excited to see me swing my way over the bar. I felt ready but there was definitely some doubt in the back of my mind – “You’re too big.” “You’re not strong enough.” “You don’t have good body awareness.” These are the thoughts I’ve been feeding myself for a while and they have clearly made a lasting imprint in my head. With nine minutes left in the workout, I had one goal – get over the bar one, single time. My first attempt…fail. My second attempt…fail. My third…fail. You get the point. I am not sure how many times I tried to get myself over that bar, maybe twenty, but each time I came up just a little bit short. What was amazing to me was the unwavering support, cheers, and feedback from everyone there that night. While I kept failing, they kept watching. While I kept failing, they kept videoing. While I kept failing, they kept believing that I would pull myself over the top of that bar. I think I stopped believing I would get one but those watching me – my teammates, my friends, my coach, and all the athletes I coach on a daily basis – never stopped believing in me.

I’d be deceiving you if I said I was not deeply disappointed in myself after this weekend. It’s hard to swallow failure when you know you’ve worked so hard for something. But while I failed this time around, I take solace in knowing that regardless of my success or lack of, there are people who will stand beside me no matter what. I don’t know when I’ll achieve my goal of a bar muscle up, but what I do know is that I won’t let this define me. I’ll continue to work as hard as I can each and every day to become a better athlete. When you deeply care about something, failure can be extremely distressing. But in reality, failure is all apart of the journey. We need to fail to understand how to succeed. We need to fail to desire to succeed. I know I will get myself over the top of that bar one day, and when I do, it will mean something. I will know that I earned every second of that experience. Fight through your failures. Earn your successes.

“Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.” – Winston Churchill

-Catherine